Are you in recovery from alcoholism or addiction but still feel really deep shame about your past?
Are you in therapy but just can’t seem to shake off the depression and anxiety that springs from old beliefs and the ghosts of trauma?
Believe me – you’re not alone. Many of us can stay sober or work our asses off in counseling, but still feel like we’re going through it with a cinder block chained around our necks. Guilt, shame, and memories of what we were can weigh us down to a point where we’re almost paralyzed.
The World card from the Tarot can offer a powerful lens for looking at this struggle and finding a way forward.
A SYMBOL OF COMPLETION
In its traditional meaning, The World card celebrates the completion of one cycle and moving onto the next one. It’s the, “and they lived happily ever after,” card for, “normal,” people
For instance, a person might leave their job after many successful years and move on to another one that presents new challenges.
Or perhaps a parent has spent 18 years raising a child and when the kid goes off to college, the parent finally has time for her own dreams.
Or maybe a writer has spent 2 years putting a book together, it’s finally been published, and now they’re moving on to a new project.
The common theme there is that all of these people can look back and honestly say, “Well done.”
But what happens when we look back at our past and all we can say is, “Oh, christ, what a freaking mess.”
WHEN SATISFACTION ISN’T POSSIBLE
For many of us, the past doesn’t exactly sparkle with bright and cheery accomplishments. Instead, it can feel like an extended disaster zone.
Maybe we worked at the same job for years and got fired because of poor performance.
Perhaps we wasted many years in a toxic, codependent relationship.
Or we might have been so drunk or drugged up that we destroyed everything and everyone we touched.
Trying to get into a sustained recovery can seem almost impossible under the weight of regret. The question is: How do we process all of this and move on to a new life?
WHAT DOES AA SAY ABOUT IT?
When I was trying to help a relative get into recovery, I sat through literally hundreds of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings with her.
Let me hasten to say, I’m not trying to push an AA agenda or wave a Big Book in your face. It works for some people, it doesn’t work for others, and it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
What really struck me in those meetings, though, was that some of their members had figured out a way to do this. They’d sit there and calmly tell the most horrific stories imaginable about their drinking careers and then talk about how happy they were now.
The phrase that was always repeated was, “We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.” There are two powerful statements in that:
1 – Even if we totally screwed up, we can CHOOSE not to regret it.
2 – We don’t slam the door on it or pretend that it never happened.
It’s not about denying the past. It’s about reclaiming it.
FACING THE PAST WITH COURAGE
Facing what we’d rather forget requires a lot of courage, and we need to give ourselves credit for that struggle. It can also mean that we can mine a few diamonds out of the sewage and become better human beings.
The heartbreak of being totally broken can teach us greater compassion for those who are still struggling.
The mistakes that we made can teach us humility. It’s mighty hard to look down on someone else when you’re lying in a gutter.
The chaos that we endured can teach us resilience and we can realize how strong we truly are to have survived it.
True courage isn’t erasing our story but owning it without shame.
LESSONS FROM NOT SHUTTING THE DOOR
When we keep our past in view – without wallowing in it – we transform it into guidance. Painful memories can evolve into teachers, showing us what to avoid and what truly matters.
Even more, our honesty can become a gift. By sharing our experiences, we offer others a road map through their own dark terrain.
We can look at a friend, a lover, or a neighbor and honestly say, “Oh, man, I know what you’re going through.” Because we do.
CLOSURE WITHOUT TAKING A BOW
I guess that there are, “normal,” people who live more or less all of the time in Happy Land. They move from one wonderful accomplishment to the next and life comes at them with ease and grace. That’s what The World card is all about.
For the rest of us, closure means accepting the whole mess that we may have made of things and integrating it, rather than forgetting it. We accept the fact that we’ve had a lot heavier karma to deal with than most people.
And we remind ourselves that wholeness isn’t about perfection. It’s about embracing all that we are as human beings – our triumphs, our failures, and the courage it takes to live through them.
Just the Tarot 